It’s early morning, and instead of sleeping late after working 12 hours shifts, I’m up and my mind is racing. I’m on this journey. Some call it a spiritual journey, an awakening, or just restlessness to get to the meaning of it all. I’m deeply passionate in my relationship with God…but there is more that I’m struggling with. I’m moved by the weight of breaking through my purpose. It feels like I’m giving birth to a new beginning and I’m bursting with this new life inside that HAS to be born.
This restlessness has been relentless for 8 years now. I don’t suppose there is a fast start button to push that instantly gives us the answers. The answer is in the process. The struggle. The questioning. The searching. Yet my own insecurity of not being enough, not having enough education…somewhere in the midst of it I’ve felt like I should be a doctor to have an impact, not a nurse. But here I am…a nurse searching for the deeper way to reach humanity. There has to be more than passing pills and following a doctor’s orders. Those are tasks, yet that is what we’ve been reduced to. Time for human touch it seems, has been set aside in order to meet budget, break even.
Finding no meaning in the “American Dream”… the idea that we need to own, and have and get…what is that about? I’m realizing that I want more and to create more, income and otherwise, but not so I can “have” but so that I can “give more”. Realizing that yes we do need flow of income to create our dreams, but my dreams have become about making an impact and providing tools to set people free from their min dprisons, and from their cycles of self sabotage and fear…Being whole and being well is a foreign concept in America.
3 John 1:2 has become a powerful passage to me. “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as they soul prospereth”. There is that connection and need for all of us to eb whole. Our mind, body, spirit and finances. There is also the issue of healing. People want to be healed, but don’t understand that being WHOLE is a better way. people long to take a pill to be healed of their infirmities, while not realize it ALL fits together. How can a real physical healing take place while there is emptiness in the mind or spirit or soul.
There isn’t always a peer reviewed study for the way an herb is used, or the way prayer manifests healing or how human touch and empathy can touch another and miracles occur. I always step back a bit when I hear a nurse being critical about natural health/healing because there isn’t a “study” to back it up. It actually makes me sad for them…so analytical they can’t believe anything unless a study shows it to be true.
I recently found a book by Lissa Rankin, MD, in which she is a physician who went through a journey, similar to what I’m experiencing now. I’m deeply entrenched in learning of her journey and now the difference she is making in the arena of healing. The more I move forward in the arena of wellness, the more I’m connecting with others who are also on this journey. What has begun in individuals is now becoming a movement.
I’m taking my life back.
